To Forgive is Ovine

Breaking news update from the U.S. Department of Signs and Portents:  those of you seeking indications of the imminent End-of-Days need look no further than Washington DC.  In our nation’s capital, the separation of sheep and goats has already begun.

More than 100 goats will be [herded into] Washington’s historic Congressional Cemetery to help clean up the landmark.  The goats will graze 24 hours a day for six days to eliminate vines, poison ivy and weeds.

The Congressional Cemetery was founded in the early 1800s and covers 35 acres on Capitol Hill. Thousands of [bodies] are buried at the cemetery, including former senators and House members. The cemetery says the use of goats will eliminate the need for harmful herbicides and will keep invasive species from killing large trees, while also ‘fertilizing the ground.’


Somehow it’s not at all surprising that goats would cluster around the shades of dead Congressmen.  After all, when living, both species have a reputation for being capricious, lustful, gluttonous and proficient at ‘fertilizing the ground.’

So, if God’s goats are herded into Washington, where will the sheep be gathered?  Just hope it’s where you are!

Fun facts

Little wonder that separating sheep and goats is the prerogative of the Almighty: the process can be trickier than it might seem.

  • “The goat is a member of the family Bovidae and is closely related to the sheep –both are in the goat-antelope subfamily Caprinae. Some breeds of sheep and goats look similar, but they can usually be told apart because goat tails are short and usually point up, whereas sheep tails hang down and are usually longer and bigger.”
  • “Goats are quite particular in what they actually consume, preferring to browse on the tips of woody shrubs and trees, as well as the occasional broad-leaved plant. However, it can fairly be said that their plant diet is extremely varied, and includes some species which are otherwise toxic.  Goats prefer to browse on vines, such as kudzu, on shrubbery and on weeds, preferring them to grasses.”
  • “Goats are one of the oldest domesticated species, and have been used for their milk, meat, hair, and skins over much of the world. The wild bezoar of the Zagros are the likely origin of almost all domestic goats today.  The earliest remnants of domesticated goats –dating to 10,000 years ago– are found in Ganj Dareh in Iran.”


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